Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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