Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
