They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
