I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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