I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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