is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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