You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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