I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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