why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
