We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
