Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
