Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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