it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
