FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
