I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
