You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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