He uses pillows to masturbate.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
