Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
