Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
