walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
