my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
