I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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