she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
