the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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