I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
True college students do jello shots in the library
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
