dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
