Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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