he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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