Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
