U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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