i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
organizing the empties. That sober.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
