Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
