Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I need to stop coming to work sober
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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