why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
