it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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