What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
