So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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