I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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