I didn't shave. On purpose
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
