i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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