I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
