I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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