I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
