if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
