I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
