You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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