Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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