tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
