I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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