? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
