if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he shaved USA in his pubs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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