I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
