so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
