i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
