What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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