So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
