So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
