Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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