You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
