We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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