Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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