Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
