how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
