remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
