I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NoShamevember. You game?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
