i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
