it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
