its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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