is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
