I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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